When we’re in a relationship, it’s inevitable that we’ll have to give up some part of ourselves to make it work.
In a union between two people, it’s about sometimes making compromises and finding a healthy balance to suit both of you. But what happens when you give up too much for the relationship?
At what point do you realize that making your relationship work comes at the expense of losing who you are?
Too many Arabs have given up too much of themselves for people who didn’t appreciate them for who they are.
Learning that a good relationship only improves you, not destroys your essential being, is a lesson that many people don’t realize until it’s too late.
Spotting the telltale signs of giving up too much of yourself are:
1) Your friends have disappeared: Your relationship shouldn’t take the place of your friendships.
If they do, and your friends have gone to wayside because of it, you need to reexamine why this one person has taken so much precedence in your life.
2) Your life revolves around theirs: Do you shift your work schedule to match theirs, or cancel plans at the drop of a hat just to see them? Does everything you do seem to involve them in some way?
It’s good to be a partnership, but when you’re so entwined with someone else that you don’t give yourself enough room to grow and breathe, it will come back to haunt you.
Have a life outside the relationship and use it to only strengthen what you have.
3) Changing the subject: Do you notice that people often try to change the subject when you start talking about your loved one? Perhaps that’s because they’re tired of you constantly relating every aspect of your life back to your relationship.
Others will very quickly get tired of constantly hearing every mundane aspect of either your relationship or the other person, so take the hint and talk about something else. If you cant think of anything, then that’s when you know you’ve really invested too much of yourself into the relationship.
4) You’re uninterested in your old hobbies: If you’ve given up a lot of interests or hobbies since the start of your relationship because the other person didn’t think they were “cool” enough or worth your time, then that’s a huge red flag.
Your interests are exactly that—yours. Don’t let anyone else tell you what you should and shouldn’t do.
Try picking up the hobby again and see how it feels. If it feels right, go ahead and do it. Relationships shouldn’t be about asking permission.
5) You can’t take any criticism: If your loved ones or friends are concerned about you and express some critical aspects of your relationship or the person, you should be receptive at the very least.
Becoming angry and hurt are natural inclinations, but remember they’re here to help you and only care about your well-being. Take their opinions into account, but don’t let that just rule your every move, either.
Learn how to make your own decisions that are best for you, and use your sound judgment. Remember that once you start to lose a part of yourself in the relationship, it’s hard to get that back.